Creative Juices

Incredible! I have not written—or done!—anything of a creative nature in so long that it seems I have forgotten how entirely.

When in school, a time when I was perhaps the most creative in my life, I often had long blocks of uninterrupted free time, time enough to play, be silly, goof off, generally have fun. Waste time. As Calvin said to Hobbes, "...do all the nothing you want." Yet I'm certain this unadulterated floundering was the very fuel of creativity.

For easily ten years, the ten I have been in management, my days have been so filled with an overload of work as to completely devour and exhaust all energy I had. Perhaps the last six and a half particularly so, with the last three being a pinnacle.

Surely there are other factors, physical and psychological alike, that contribute to a decrease in the generation of new ideas, of creativity. For example: children. Tending to small children, infants through, say, age nine, requires a constant flow energy. Unless, of course, you are comfortable being remiss in providing the one thing children value above all: your attention. I wasn't, so when my work days ended my father days resumed until bed time, at which point collapse was usually imminent. I recall, specifically, a time when the days began at 5:30 a.m. and continued non-stop until 9:30 p.m., providing perhaps an hour afterward to breathe before passing out.

But I believe there are other factors that contribute to this entropy of creative capacity. Two, in fact, that come to mind for me: insecurity and self confidence.

I have worked with some very creative people, and more than once I have acknowledged, but not necessarily recognized (labelled) a very distinctive perspective: they didn't care. They were care free. They came to work, they did some stuff, sometimes they openly goofed off. They played table tennis in the hallway; they created AOL mobiles over their cubicles; they made up games using anything that was at hand; they built twenty-foot-high snow men; the list can go on...

They openly snubbed their noses at "the man" and knew they were right. And they were confident and secure in their knowing. This is my envy. Not since a long time ago have I shared the confidence and security to pursue, or even to determine, a creative path. My creative path used to be writing and it used to come naturally and easily, but not for a long time now. Writing this blog is a piece of work, and a sad surprise.

It's no wonder that I should receive feedback, as I have recently, to the effect that I am not a particularly creative person. The days have been so hell bent and tied to trudging through an overwhelming load of work, in what fifteen minute window were the revolutionary ideas to emerge? I'm sure employers still see it this way: if you're not working, you're wasting!

What a terrible mistake.

And my own insecurities and lack of self confidence led me down that path. To all of you, this is my open apology for not recognizing and valuing your need to fuel the creative juice! My bad.

Leaving has been such a relief. Having had time to think, reflect, relax, and regain my composure, I am ready now to take my next steps with confidence in what I know, with a greater awareness of my insecurities, and a rejuvenated determination to play, be silly, goof off, and generally have fun—to be creative.

To be productive!